It’s a question that comes from love, most of the time. Someone you care about is going through something hard. You know Reiki, or you know someone who does. Why not just send it?
Reiki practitioners don’t all agree on this. Some send freely. Some ask first. Here’s where I land, and why.
The short answer
I only send Reiki to people who asked for it.
That’s the simplest rule I keep, and it’s the first one on my ethics page. It holds even when the intention is kind, and even when the person is someone the client loves.
Why does permission matter in Reiki?
Because it’s their experience
Reiki is gentle, but people do feel it. Most find it calming. Some feel sleepy, or emotional. Once in a while, someone finds it unsettling, or feels a little queasy. Not everyone is used to that kind of quiet, open state, and not everyone wants it.
If someone doesn’t know Reiki is coming, they can’t choose a good moment for it. They can’t lie down if they want to. They can’t say “not right now.” When someone asks for a session, they get to decide all of that.
Because wanting to help isn’t the same as being asked
My teacher talks about this with a lot of care. Wanting to help is a good thing. But there’s a line between offering care and needing to fix someone. When we send Reiki to someone who hasn’t asked, we’ve decided, on our own, that they need it, and what they need it for.
That can put us above them, even a little. I’d rather stand beside people than over them.
Because asking is easy
If I feel a pull to send someone Reiki, I can just ask: “I’ve been thinking of you. Would you like me to send you some Reiki?” If they say yes, wonderful. If they say no, or don’t answer, that’s their choice. I can still care about them in all the ordinary ways.
What about relationship sessions?
One of the focuses you can choose is a relationship. A parent, a partner, a friend, a coworker, anyone.
In those sessions, Reiki goes to you and your side of the relationship. It never goes to the other person. They didn’t ask, so I don’t send it to them.
And I never send Reiki to change what someone else feels, believes, or does. Not to make them call. Not to make them understand. Not to soften them. That’s not mine to do, and it’s not what Reiki is for.
What the session can hold is what you bring: your hurt, your hope, your tiredness, your love, whatever is there for you in that relationship.
What about family and the past?
The same is true for family work. If you bring something you carry from your family, Reiki goes to what you carry, not to your relatives. That includes relatives who have died.
If you bring a moment from your past, Reiki goes to you, then and now. Not to the other people who were there.
You don’t need to know your family history, be close to your family, or explain anything. Some people don’t know their families. Some were hurt by them. All of that is welcome.
What about homes, objects, and things coming up?
Sessions can also focus on an object, a home or other space, or something coming up. The same care applies. An object should be yours, or you should have the owner’s OK. A space should be one you live in or are responsible for. Reiki goes to the space, never into the people who live or work there. And for something coming up, Reiki goes to you and how you’ll meet it, not to anyone else’s choices. Read more about objects and places, or about something coming up.
What about situations, like the news?
Sometimes I send Reiki to a situation, like a storm, a war, or something frightening in the news. I sometimes share those candles on Instagram.
When I do, I send to the situation itself, not to specific people in it. It’s there for anyone who wants it, and no one has to take it. I don’t use real people’s names, stories, or photos. And when I can, I point to people doing concrete work to help, because Reiki is never a substitute for that.
What about animals?
Animals can’t fill out a booking form, so consent looks different. But it still matters.
In my training, we learned that with animals, there are two yeses. The first comes from the person who cares for the animal. The second comes from the animal itself.
Many animal Reiki practitioners start by quietly offering Reiki, and asking the animal if it would like to receive it. Then they watch. An animal who wants it might come closer, settle down, lie down, or even turn a hip or a shoulder toward the practitioner. An animal who doesn’t might walk away, and that’s an answer too.
My teacher is clear that you never force Reiki on an animal. She often starts from across the room, so the animal can decide whether to come closer. She also tells caregivers not to try to make their pet hold still or “be good.” Let them move. Let them leave if they want to. The animal is in charge.
I love that, because it’s the same thing I want for people. You get to say yes, and you get to say no.
I offer distance Reiki for animals, booked by their caregiver. Here’s how it works, and what to watch for during a session →
Someone I love is struggling, but they haven’t asked. What can I do?
This might be the hardest part. Here are a few gentle options.
Ask them. You can tell them you’d like to send care their way, and let them choose. They may surprise you.
Give them a gift code. They can use it if and when they want to, and book the session themselves. It’s an offer, not a surprise.
Book a session for yourself. Loving someone who is struggling is heavy. You can book a relationship session, and Reiki will go to you and what you’re carrying about them: the worry, the helplessness, the love. That’s yours, and it’s welcome here.
Care for them in the ordinary ways. A text, a meal, a walk, sitting with them. These matter so much.
If they’re in danger, get real help. Reiki isn’t crisis support. If someone is in crisis, call or text 988, or text HOME to 741741. If they’re in immediate danger, call 911.
How do you make sure consent continues during a session?
Consent isn’t just a box at booking. It keeps going.
- When I begin, I text you so you know your session has started.
- You can stop at any time by texting “stop.” You don’t need a reason.
- You can reschedule anytime before your session starts. If you cancel at least 24 hours ahead, you’ll get a full refund. With less notice, your session becomes a credit you can use anytime.
- Sessions are for adults, 18 and older, booking for themselves.
Common questions
Can I book a session for someone else? Yes, as a gift code. The person you give it to books their own session when they’re ready, so it’s always their choice.
Is it wrong if other practitioners send Reiki without asking? I’m not here to judge other practitioners. People hold this differently, and many do it with real love. This is simply the line I keep in my own practice.
What about praying for someone? Prayer belongs to your faith, and I wouldn’t tell anyone how to pray. Reiki is my practice, and in my practice, I ask first.
Can you send Reiki to my pet? Yes, if you’re their caregiver. Your animal still gets a say. Read how animal sessions work.
Can you send Reiki to my child? No. My sessions are for adults, 18 and older, booking for themselves.
What if I change my mind partway through? Text me “stop.” I’ll stop right away. You don’t owe me a reason, and you’re not letting me down.